So tired

I realized today that I am 28 weeks pregnant. 28 weeks.  28 weeks. How is time going so quickly? Its like, one week in and one week out. Time just keeps going and I want it to slow down. I had a midwife appointment and I just wanted to take a nap on their bed.

I feel so angry because I feel like I do the cleaning most of the time and I just wish that for once, Creighton could see how tired I am and say, "go take a nap". But he is tired too, so that is what he is thinking about. I want to just not care oabout the house right now. not care about the dishes, not care about a clean kitchen. But I do! I want a clean house.

I want a basement with 2 extra bedrooms, one for a child and one for the baby, with the basement being the toy room. Everyone else has a basement. Here I am coveting what others have and nt being grateful for what I have.

Honestly, I am not ready to bring a baby into theworld. I feel ill prepared. One thing that tirggered anger was Creighton talking baout how he would go back to work one week after baby is born and just the thought of this makes me angy. And upset. I refuse to takae care of 4 kids 1 week post-partum. How could he expect something like that? That is exactly was triggered my post-partum anger- having to care for 3 kids at 2 weeks post-partum. It shouldn't be like that. I hate that society just expects women to bounce back. I know for a fact that I need more time than that.

I don't know how I am going to do this. 12 weeks seems much too soon. My heart feels angry. I am also angry because Creighton mentioned a trampoline but now its all on me if it happens or not. Not both of us. ME. I am tired of things being on ME only. Like getting the kids to bed. I got Juniper to sleep. Then because he was on the phone, even if it was with his dad, Iris needed help so I had to help her, then Lily. Its like he doesn't even think about how I mihgt possibly be feeling. That causes me to feel extremely upset.

I want to be excited and happy about bringing another baby into this world, and frankly I just don't. Its not that I won't love this child, its just how tired and exhausted I am. I sincerely hope that he doesn't expect me to feel recovered after one week. He has no idea what it feels like being pregnant and I feel a feeling of resentment stirring just thinking about it.