Have you every felt like the world, or your world was crashing down on you? That's how it feels at the moment. Creighton is not super able to be there for me right now. He's got his own struggles, and me- I feel like I am crumbling. My heart is crumbling. And I want to stop. I want to stop all the things. But it feels difficult because of the debts I am paying off. I guess you could say I am in burnout. 

I am very triggered by C, which doesn't help. And I'm starting a certification where I feel absolutely unqualified for. I am still paying Julie off- I've only got 3 months. But then there's speaker training for C, which I really don't know if he'll really appreciate it... And Then I want to totally restructure my business, and I kind of know how, and I don't have any clue how to do it- And I've got so much fear of my certifcation being a flop. My heart feels torn and unloved. I've been completely exhausted. And any event that is a retreat, I feel guilty about it. 

And I have had 2 reviews stating that they won't be coming back to my home- because of the disruptions with my kids and the dog, even with a babysitter. Something is not working and I don't know the best solution at the moment. What are my next steps? And when can I actually make $ that can benefit my family? I feel very sad. And i hate disappointing people. i want to give a refund back or something. I don't know what to do. 

I wish I had someone to talk to about all this? I can't keep it in, and i won't keep it in.  

Immersion

 2/23/22

I spoke at Immersion yesterday. I felt so much anxiety and nerves as I have prepared for it the last few months, everytime I sat down to work on it I went blank. I literally spent hours and several nights falling asleep. When it came down Toni, I finished day slides at 6 am Friday morning. 

I did really well! And I was so pleased with myself. I got up there and shared story about what it felt like sitting in the closet of grief when c and I got into arguments in Hawaii. And how I was introduced to energy work- and I found moments to bring laughter in- like statements that are obviously not true- like marriage is bliss…. Pause … 

My main point was that everyone is a healer- teaching them the basic steps to healing- recognize, release, replace. The best was when I brought up 2 brave volunteers. The first who I helped with releasing a curse, followed by her helping the next lady with her own thing, and it’s worked out amazingly. The light in her eyes after releasing the curse was brighter. Everyone saw it. 

The sales portion I felt like went super well and it was well received. And I sold 2 boxes , though one was returned and several emotional card decks. I didn’t make a profit, but made $900.

The audience was well receiving and I didn’t agree with all the things Candice taught. But there were a lot of male speakers and they were pretty great as well, including Justin and Bryce, and chiropractor spoke as well. 

Creighton was so super supportive and I’m grateful for his help. He was super Prpud of me.