My values

 1. Integrity- this is honesty. Being honest with myself and other, even when its hard. And acting through honestly. 

2. Accountability: Recognizing when we are in the wrong. And owning it, and then turning to God so we can make it better, not blaming others for our actions. Because blame stunts growth and inprovement. 

3. respect: Respecting ourselves and others. A huge part of this is communication. And taking a step back to access a situation before we go in and create judgement. In order to do this, it is essential to process through our emotions and feelings.  

4. Building healthy relationships: relationships are everything. Literally. They make or break beautiful experiences that bring joy or heart breaking moments. And beliefs are early indicators of what the results will be. Its easily predicatable. Because they are just repeititve thoughts. And thoughts are creating emotions over and over again. They cause us to be triggered and react. healthy joyful relationships depend on the other values. And this even includes a relationship with self. 

5. Seeking to understand: There is so much judgement in the world. So many made up stories of what we think that other people think, that cause us to create extra heartache. When we go in seeking to understand, it clears up miscommunication. And prevents hurtful communication because it stops sabotagin judgment in its tracks. 

6. Physical movement and nourishment: This is essential because we are human beings in a physical world with physical bodies. If we don't take care of our bodies, it impacts how we are able to think and feel. It goes back to the basics. 

7. Adventure: Adventure for me is doing something new, going somehwere new, experiencing something new, challending your body, stepping into the unknown. This is a catalyst for change and inmprovement.  

8. Courage: to go and do in spirt of fear or doubt. COurage to get in the arena and BE vulnerable. The critics will there and so will I.  

Understanding the beliefs

 I think I'm getting it. The brokeness that is hurting me and impacting everything. Because nothing matters: the house, the yard, the coat, the truck, my business. But ultimately what makes or breaks experiences is relationships. That's the only thing we can take up to heaven with us. SO much of  our experiences in this physical world is the things though. Becuase its the physical things that help us to HAVE experiences. And that requires money. 

Through the heartbreaking moments of today, I realize what mycore values are. There are 7 of them. And they apply to ourselves, with others, and with God. 

1. Integrity- this is honesty. Being honest with myself and other, even when its hard. And acting through honestly. 

2. Accountability: Recognizing when we are in the wrong. And owning it, and then turning to God so we can make it better, not blaming others for our actions. Because blame stunts growth and inprovement. 

3. respect: Respecting ourselves and others. A huge part of this is communication. And taking a step back to access a situation before we go in and create judgement. In order to do this, it is essential to process through our emotions and feelings.  

4. Building healthy relationships: relationships are everything. Literally. They make or break beautiful experiences that bring joy or heart breaking moments. And beliefs are early indicators of what the results will be. Its easily predicatable. Because they are just repeititve thoughts. And thoughts are creating emotions over and over again. They cause us to be triggered and react. healthy joyful relationships depend on the other values. And this even includes a relationship with self. 

5. Seeking to understand: There is so much judgement in the world. So many made up stories of what we think that other people think, that cause us to create extra heartache. When we go in seeking to understand, it clears up miscommunication. And prevents hurtful communication because it stops sabotagin judgment in its tracks. 

6. Physical movement and nourishment: This is essential because we are human beings in a physical world with physical bodies. If we don't take care of our bodies, it impacts how we are able to think and feel. It goes back to the basics. 

7. Adventure: Adventure for me is doing something new, going somehwere new, experiencing something new, challending your body, stepping into the unknown. This is a catalyst for change and inmprovement.  

I believe that by holding onto these core values, you can create a beautiful life. 

I came to some big realizations in the struggle I experienced tonight. And I know they don't define me, for I can learn from them. But I wonder, when will these moments end? These small consistent heart shattering moments that braek me to my soul. 

Here is what i realizeis causing my own suffering, and just being very honest with myself. These are the beliefs severely impacting me. 

I am unworthy and undeserving of having things that cost money or time- coats, shoes, groceries, gas to go places, disney world, trips, household things, it was "an office"

I am not able to take time to really nourish myself- 

I am an inconvenience

What I want is not obtainable