This trip started out wonderful. Creighton was happy and affectionate. I felt okay. Exhausted. Over exhausted from lack of sleep, and going strong for far too long. Not being able to stop and rest. And you know what that does to a person? It causes them to become extremely tired. I pretty much planned this trip for Creighton and I- and he recognized it. Which I appreciate. One of my biggest challenges is going to bed early to catch up on sleep. So we went to disney, then orlando studios, and by the end of the day, I had a down pour of emotions. I felt like it was all me. I was sad and frustrated with myself. Why couldn't I hold it together just a bit longer? Even now, I wish I could have. Till I could just have. some. alone. time. But I pulled it together. But it was hard. Those moments were very difficult for me. I wanted to keep it together and I couldn't. The moment that someone would speak to me, another down pour of tears. There were people who tried to help, no one can help me in this moment though.
Yesterday things were great, then I worked with bryce and I don't know if it stirred up energy or not. But for some reason we joked around about a shirt C wanted and Then he seemed serious about it. and when I realized he was He decided he didn't want it. BUt for me, if he wants something so much, just get it. even if I don't like it. I felt angry and upset that he wouldn't just get it. This lead to a terrible down spiral of the last 3 hours at the park. honestly, thinking about it causes me to feel super upset and want to cry. And I'm sad about it because this is exactly what I feared. And it happened. And Im still alive. yes. I said things that didn't help. I lost control because I felt like Creighton was lying to me and not honestly communicating. My other fear is that my marriage is one where my kids are going to say that their parents don't like each other. why are they still married? Needless to say, I feel sad about the first 2 days.
Feeling hurt sad and angry- letting go
Using Bryce's process: Having Creighton with me ruins my experiences. I am happier without him
Is it True? Yes
Is it absolutely True? mostly true
How do I react when I believe this? I feel hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, heartbreak
How are my relationships affected by this belief? I distance myself. I feel more disonnected from me because I feel overwhelmed with sadness and grief. I am less patient as a mom.
How would it feel if I forgot this belief? Its a fear belief. I would have more enjoyment with my husband. I wouldn't be so affected by his beliefs and mood shifts. And I'd have a more positive view of him, which would probably help his confidence and I wouldn't take those small moments so personally.
Is there any reason to let this belief go? yes
How true is that belief? 30%
Is it absolutely true? No- its the emotions feeding the belief.
How is holding onto the emotion impacting me? Its causing me to repeat the same thoughts causing deep hurt.
How would it feel if I woke up the next day without the emotions and the beliefs holding this programming? I would feel lighter and more at peace.
I am never heard- its a filter: Imagine another suzie in the 3rd grade who didn't believe it: It would be easier to express self, easier to make, friends, more present happier and joyful. Relationship with God is more connected- more inspired. connected more to love-receive more love
I AM heard. -saying this is giving love to myself.
I must not show negative emotions- I get quiet,
If I am heard, I am rejected --> don't share, believing this thought is rejecting myself. subconscious looks for confirmation for what's going on inside. Quiet, and then so does my gift.
Woke up- Totally blank- another Suzie on a different planet- her life - she feels loves. They could love and appreciate her. She could do it from a place of greater power. delight. That suzie has more self- acceptance-
Turn around: If I am heard, I am not rejected. if I am heard i am loved.
It shouldn't take so long to process my emotions-damning myself- without this thought I am able to process and return back to normal-
I enjoy taking time to process ny emotions. I am worth taking care of my emotions.
