Mom's accident

 Last night, my mom and my dad went out for a walk. This is a normal part of their routine. At 11:22 pm, they were crossing the street 1020 s 1420 e, and a car was turned left and cut the corner the turn going into the wrong lane, hitting my mom. It was nearly head on My dad barely got out of the way and my mom just fell to the ground. The kid parked and called 911. My dad walked home and got a ride over to the hospital. 

My dad texted about what happened on the group text thread this morning about 9:20 am. It honestly didn't sink in at first. I thought car accident, it sounds bad but she'll be okay. We were told, "Terese was hit by a car last night pretty bad- head trauma- she is in the ICU at Utah Valley Hospital in Provo now. If anyone wants to visit ages 12, and up, they can. She is improving, but will need surgery on the left side of her head and face quite soon."

We left this morning and got ready right away. Seeing my mom like this is difficult. She had a gash on her forehead that is stitched up, but slowly bleeding. There was dried blood. on her face and matted into her hair, coming out of her ears. Her head was very swollen on both side and the bones in the left side of her cheek and below are shattered. Her jaw is also broken, and I'm guessing shattered? with some broken teeth and my dad said he saw a fracture on her cranium. She has a brain bleed. There is a lot of pressure on her eyes from the swelling and inflammation, and I'm hoping that she doesn't lose her eye sight. She has a bit of brusing on her leg, butHer legs and arms look fine. She is on a ventilator and has tubed going into her mouth and into her nose. THere was blood stained on her teeth. and dried blood on the ourside of her nose and 2 very black swollen eyes. 

Her skin was cold and its hard seeing my mom in this state, non-responsive and sedated. I love her so much. Creighton i need to add was soo supportive. He was loving, present, and said we needed to get an atorney. Ive spent a lot of time talking to attorneys today and I feel confused on who to choose. I held her hand, and my heart broke watching her in this state. We are so limited in what we can do because something like this takes time. And we don't know the long term affects this will have on her- and she will continue to need extra therapies to be able to function again. I and wept a lot today and I feel numb and helpless like I did with Krys. Bonnie did a great job with talking to my mom and reasuring her. My dad has replayed in his mind why he wasnt holding her hand, what he could have done, yet he also shows up strong and emotionless. Not exactly emotionless, but expresses very little emotion. I pray that my mom will recover and that we can get my parents the compensation they need and that the medica expenses are all paid for. 

I don't feel like I have all the words to really express this. how do you process something this big? Some moments I get really weepy and other moments I am strong. I guess thats how my dad is. My message to mom: we love you. We are praying for you. So many people love you. Your only job is to rest. thats it. We got you and we'll help carry you through this challenge. 

12/5/25

I’m sitting here in the hospital room, grieving the loss of who my mom used to be. She has made tremendous progress in the last 13 days. She’s sitting on her own. Her right eye opens and remains open for. Longer period of time. Her left eye is just starting to open. And I assume will get better. She’s making eye contact and turning different directions. 

How she looks and acts is so different, understandably. When I see her, I see someone disabled and we talk to her like she’s a toddler learning how to do the most basic things. She doesn’t feel like “my mom” anymore. I miss her. I miss her eagerness and welcoming demeanor. How she was always talking about the grandkids. 

I just miss my mom and I don’t know  if she’ll come back. 

Dec 7th:

Saturday The PT helped her move the right foot with the left foot. She shuffled her right foot and took 3 side shuffles. Then the followed the PT commands. He said was a night a day difference with following commands and cues from the day before on Friday. That's then she shuffled her feet on her own. Tami pushed her foot. then then she would shuffle her other foot. 

Tami showed her the speech papers. and she pointed to A, C, and F when showing 4 different letters. Mo hugged the PT on Sat and patted his back. Kevin said, by love you mom.- shrugged. Reese said "bye grandma- I love you Reese"

Sunday:

Yesterday, she moved one foot and Tami manually cued her to use the other foot. Sunday with speech, the speech therapist. she started counting 1-5 with no problems. Identified all the letters. When leaving, Mo hugged the PT on Sat and patted his back. Kevin said, by love you mom.- shrugged and looked away. Reese said "bye grandma- I love you Reese"

Monday: 

Mom did awesome with the PT today. She took 70 steps and was exhausted. But she moved her legs on her own. Bonnie took a call on the phone and asked mom if she wanted to talk. She grabbed the phone and started talking. It was so funny.  

12/10/25

There are so many hard things that happen in this world and around us, that sometimes it blows my mind how many people have donated, have been praying, and really care about my mom and our family! So much has happened that it feels blurred over. We are so grateful for all the love pouring our direction and the many miracles that have happened! I am going to attempt the summary of this journey with my mom. I believe all the love and prayers coming our direction are a direct result of my mom's quiet goodness and kindness towards others. 

11/22 When it first happened, it was a shock. It was very difficult to see my mom swollen with black eyes, and not okay. It felt heartbreaking! The first week of recovery- she was quite swollen. She looked better after being cleaned from the incident but did noy look like herself in any form. Swelling was in her whole body. She wasnt really conscious. Her black eyes with wide and painful looking in both eyes. 

11/24

She had surgery and the doctor put 10-12 metal plated in her head! She was pail and swollen everywhere. My heart broke- this isn't my mom. We sat in her room hour after hour advocating for her. Slowly the bruising started to go down from back and purple to red, to her natural skin tone. The right eye went down faster than the left, where she had stitched in her forhead. Nearly 1 1/2 weeks after the incident, she started to wake up a bit. She started doing thumbs up or thumbs down to answer yes or no questions.

"Are you in pain"

DO you want to switch positions?"

"DO you remember..."

She also started doing head nodds and lifting her hands exasperated.  A short time, she favored leaning her left leg to the right side, then the right leg to the left side. She could awake very long- because she was so exhausted from healing and her body detoxing injured cells. A lot of nodding back to sleep. She had a ventilator up until today (12/10/25). She weaned on the medication in the ventilator a couple times and went back on the medication with it when her oxygen levels were too low. 

It amazing how she decreased her meds so fast as we were advocating for her, knowing she didn't take any meds in general. So she was extra tired with the Oxycodone. She went from several medications to none except the blood thinner and maybe a digestive one for bowel movements. She went from fentanyl to Tylenol with fentanyl, to just Tylenol to no Tylenol.  She started trying to sit up. 

She has to relearn everything. The PT and the to started coming to see her on November 26th, right before thanksgiving. 4 days after her accident. To get her sitting up again, to help move the lymph. She could not stand, only with full on help. Brandon has been awesome working with my mom- encouraging her to sit up, put a cup to her mouth, wash her own face, etc. Then they worked on taking steps. First it was just standing, to3 side steps, and sitting up on her own. Lifting her leg and opposit arm, touching her shoulder. SHe was still so tired I think at this point. My mom was able to respond but still seemed far away. She went from 6-9 steps 3 days ago, to 75 steps, to 175, to 400 going around the whole hallway. 

As she gained awareness, I sensed frustration and discouragement. SHe fel trapped in her body, limited, weak, and discouraged. She did not like the trachiotimy at all. She said it, " I don't like it.. followed by a head nodd when its used up. She tried taking the O2 mask off, causing her to need a full time one on one nurse. SHe also didn't like the iv in her left arm- we've expmlained so many times what hapened. - and she didn't remember. SHe does lots of head shakes- to confirm not liking somthing. And the hands that came up. 

On 

Krystalee- cancer- passing

 I have a college friend who I have kept in touch with. We met almost exactly 20 years ago. I flew out to BYU-Hawaii. I was 20 years old, freshly leaving my sister's house in Chicago. I was staying at home where I didn't know anyone, a few days before the semester strated

Krys was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer metastasized in January after an ER visit. She was 38 years old, has 2 young kids ages 3 and 10 months at the time. This was gut- wrenching for her. This is my words not hers. It’s a shock and pancreatic cancer is one of the worst ones, which I previously didn’t know. When I first found out, I felt awful. I worried about her kids and prayed nearly every day. It really affected me. There was a short time where I had to stop thinking about it and I didn’t know what to say or if I should call or how to say it. So for a few months I didn’t say anything. In the beginning I sent her a bottle of frankincense and some foot zone signals to do. After talking to a chiropractor, she said that my friend would need to focus on the tumor itself first. And in my small amount of research, those diagnosed don’t usually live longer than a year. 

She was also required to stop breastfeeding, I could feel in the moment the heartbreak that would bring her. It broke her. She struggled with nursing Nai’a at the beginning and with zeke it came so easily. And she felt like her heart was being ripped apart- her words. 

Fast forward. I did message her again being honest and checking saying how k didn’t know what to say and her response helped me feel better about it. She had a way of helping me feel better when she responded . And she was the one living with the cancer and the treatments.

My heart ached for Canyon the entire time. I tried to make the best of it. The flight, and getting the rental car was pretty easy. I had massive anxiety days before, questioning if I should even be going. The weather was warm and sunny and I loved that so much. I stopped at the grocery story to pick up groceries and arrived at Krys's house around 4:30 pm. The other sitter was there for a bit longer, as we were coming to relieve her.   

I arrived on a thursday afternoon. I always observe how peoples yards, and houses are set up, organized and what its like living where they are. It was an older house, with a large trailer in the driveway. I was grateful for it to have a private space to decompress. I can feel apprehensive of spending days with Emilie but it was a blessing. We watche Nai'a and Zeke while making dinner because Krys had an appointment. Nai'a loved helping Emilie with the vegetables. Zeke is a sturdy little boy, heavier than canyon. He loves his sister. "Nai'a, Nai'a!" He says "daddy, and mama, and many other words. He is younger than Canyon and it was a comfort taking care of him. When Krys walks, it was a slow thoughtul walk, careful with each step. Im guessing because it took so much energy to walk. Her legs are so thin, that she now wears loose pants, and her coat because she gets so cold. Her wrists because the size of a childs wrist with long fingers because shes lost all her muscle tone. Her cheeks were sunken in and belly large and full of fluid, which contributed to the discomfort with walking. But she was so happy to see us. And I was so grateuful to see her. It was wonderful to sit and have dinner with her and her family and Emilie.  The messy house really didnt matter. She has to take enzymes before eating. It was the conversation, which I also know took a lot of energy. Everything she did took energy she didn't have. She drank  lots of water with electrolytes, which I believe helped her live as long as she did. What was really speical to me was how thoughtful she was in conversation. She asked us questions, and checked on how we experienced something, or encourage us. SHe really cared. We enjoyed time after dinner, which then she just needed sleep. It was these times that she opened up- how she was discouraged, and that she wanted to die in the hospital. I'll never forget the words "I'm not adraid to die.. I just don't want to leave my family.. We had so many plans of what we wanted to do" It was emotional. 

The bed was pretty comfy and the set up was comfy. I was able to do the dolphin for Emilie. 

I had a dream that spurred this need to visit her in October. It didn’t work for my birthday weekend. But I scheduled it for the 4th weekend of October. Emilie Harrel was also in town. We stayed in her trailer in her driveway. We helped babysit the kids a few times and had intimate conversations around dinner times and it was really special. She was also so frail and thin. And so weak. She was down to roughly 90lbs. She could barely walk and had very little facial expression. She still had her long hair, and it was a security thing. She had hair growing on her face, probably effects of the medication. She couldn’t even hold zeke and you could tell he was used to relying on dad. I’m sure this was all really hard on Krys. How could it not be? To not have the strength or the capability of caring for your kids? I’m sure she constantly felt guilty about it. And it wasn’t her fault. She wanted to be there. Even going to church for an hour for nai’as primary program took everything out of her. 

In the days I was at her house, my heart needed my sweet Canyon, and at the same time, it was the greatest blessing he wasnt there in hindsight. I had moments with her fully present because he wasnt there. The blessing of being able to sit by her on her bed and talk, to eat dinner with her, go out to suchi with her, push her in her wheelchair a the Halloween trunk or treat, drive her home after church. These are moments I will always be grateful for! 

It was like she was a shell of herself- but when j talked to her and really listened and had those moments, she was still there. And I told her that. I could see “her”. Man the energy we had in those conversations- it was really honest and intimate- not sexually- but you know that moment is what mattered most. 

Leaving was the hardest- I wanted to go to the pumpkin patch with them .there was no way with my flight time. As much as I would have loved going to the beach one more time, it wasn’t as important as having more moment with her. I planned to go visit in March or so- but I wasn’t sure if she’d make it that long- as much as hoped and prayed, I  had a feeling. Driving to the airport, I wasn't filled with hope. I was filled with sadness and sorrow. It was a depressing feeling. Everything in my travel went well, gratefully. and I was holding back tears just to try to be okay. 

Less than a month after I left, she was was hospitalized again with blood infections and water in lungs. I don’t think her body could have handled more. I don’t understand when her patriarchal blessing she’d be playing with her grandkids with her husband. She. Passed away exactly a week ago and I cried the moment I found outs I wept for her, the life she wouldn’t have with her kids, the life they wouldn’t have with their mom, for Seth, her for family. It’s devastating. I had a therapy appointment shortly before she passed about gratitude that there is help for her and that she wasn’t alone. But I have to use that to be so grateful I didn’t let anxiety stop me from visiting her, that I followed my impressions because that was the last time I saw her. 

I have plan moving Forward. I’m going to make her kids a balancer with photos of her and them. And a book when Seth is ready. If there’s nothing else I can do- they could look at. That book and have some memories with lrys. There is just k much sadness with her passing. She didn’t even make a year and I was hoping for 5 or 10. And for Seth who lost his wife after gaining a new family. 

I have all these thoughts pop up- why didn’t I have the courage to ask harder questions? To ask if she knew would die? What memories she wanted naia to have and zeke? And write them down. I was in denial she would actually die. Each day she make was a miracle. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. 

What keeps me going is knowing she wouldn’t want me to stop living because she couldn’t stay in her body. She’d want me to find joy and she want me to love her kids. So that’s what I’ll do.