My letter to God

Dear God,

I need you. I feel so broken. So worn down. And Creighton has his own mess to say the least. I don't feel like I can talk to him. I need success in my business so I can support myself and pay for things we need without the stress of it all. I feel so triggered by him. I know he is trying his best. And I am trying my best too. But it feels like our bests is not good enough. The best we have cannot really make this marriage work. I don't know how I can possible move foward and love him the way that a wife should with all these intertwined emotions and stories. I want to help people and make a thriving business out of it, but my own personal difficulties always seem to get in the way. Please help me God. Tell me what to do. How do I get out of the this negative and destructive cycle without separating? Realistically.

How can I find joy and happiness in this pregnancy and birth with so much despair and heartache?

What lessons am I not learning? Or am I less at fault than I think? I need some answers God. These trials have brought me to the bottom again.

Dear Suzie,

I know your struggles. I see the pain you feel. I see the sadness in your heart. and I am sad to see you feeling this way. You cam to this Earth witha  knowledge it would be difficult. And you felt hesitant you could handle it. But I have promised you a SAvior and with that, you help on. Just like you are still holding on. You have great strength in you. It is engrained in your soul. As broken as you feel, You have strength deep inside to turn around and see your life in a different light. I can't promise your marriage will be all you wanted it to be. That takes 2 of you. But I can promise that when you sacrifice to help your spouse feel loved, connections grow. Your business will grow. Your voice needs to grow first. Speak from your soul. From your heart.
You have a gift of change. A capacity to see what is really happening within you. To help you in having a better persepctive. You are holding a lot of negative emotions and its blackening your light. And your baby feels this, as does your body. Love yourself even if Creighton doesn't. He cannot determine who you are by his own limitations. I am concerned for his welfare as well. He needs a little more support. yes, but not just from you. Until he gets it, it will be difficult for him to heal.
THis baby is set on coming. Love your child. It needs to be a choice right now. The feeling will come. THe birth of this child can be a healing one- if you let it. Creighton not coming to your birth can separate you more. It will not help your relationship. That being said, you need to do what is best for you and you need to feel safe.
Set safe boundaries. Stick to them. You have the tools to create healthy boundaries. Go now and research.