Letter to my younger self

 Dear 23 and 24 yo Suzie, 

I know you are confused. And I know you want to do the right thing and that you feel really conflicted. I know you are trying your best. I want you to know the feelings you are having are perfectly normal, especially with what you at experiencing. What you are experiencing in marriage was toxic and unhealthy. That’s why you feel this way. You didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. You didn’t know who to turn to. It’s a big step for me to forgive you for that because I was you. And courage is something you have but you don’t see it because you are feeling stuck and have a lot of fear. I want to for you, my younger self. It’s not really your fault because no one talked to you about this, not directly the way you needed. 

To be honest, the older version of you still feels the hopelessness you felt,  but less often and you will still accomplish great things on your life. And god will provide you with the people you need at the right time. He will send angels to you in challenging times when you feel so broken that you can’t bear it. You will have 5 amazing children by the time you are 40 and they are worth all the struggle you have felt. You will learn many lessons that will bless the lives of other people because of the affliction you suffered. Because while you felt and feel conflicted in a toxic cycle, you also rise up and do what needs to be done and overcome  one trial at a time. 

I often feel like I failed you, and I’m sorry. You had such high hopes and dreams for how you wanted your life to be. I still feel the sting of regret, and I also am aware of how great God has been to me. Also know this, though they are unknown m, there would have been great challenges had you taken a different path in life. 15 lears later, you are still on the greatest path leading to our savior Jesus Christ. Angels have surrounded and will continue to do so you in the most heart-wrenching moments. 

The world has had some crazy things happen. And you will expand into a leader that others look up to, not because of your future accomplishments, but because of who you are. You will have amazing a healthy births that will shape you and how you Nivea yourself, your body, and what’s possible. You have the ability to be so in tune with your body that people look up to you, and they see more in you than your body. Pay no mind to those who doubt you, set those judgements aside. The ones who don’t see you are not the people for you. The ones who uplift you are the ones that fill you with peace and confidence. Though we thought we failed ourselves, you were on the path the whole time. And you are never alone