Struggling entrepeneur

I have a good heart. An honest heart. And a loyal heart. I have learned so much over the past 10 years. Yet, somehow I forget that I have a message and what I have to share matters. I get stuck in this emotional state that I don't have anything to share. And that's simply not true. Yet, I feel it! I have been wanting to do a live video and I cannot get myself to do it. I don't want to sound boring or awkward. I want to be charismatically me. And I often think about how people see it on the other side- who would really want to listen to me? Am I really making any sort of difference? I really don't know. I don't know how to really overcome being "mechanical and stiff" with my speaking. Its not my forte. Yet, I don't want to need a spokesman. My heart is fearful of what others will think. What can I share that is really inspirational? 

Creighton came in and said I sounded like a robot. I am just trying to pull off the bandaid! Why is it so stinking hard for me to do a live??? A huge part of me wants to run and hide. People seem to like me better when I am not trying to promote a business. And I don't do it selfishly. I genuinely care about people. I hope that that's the message that gets across. I see so many fantastic opportunities and when people hear them from me, its like it doesn't matter. Its small and insignificant. Do people just not take me seriously or think that I don't care about them genuinely? I don't know. But I feel embarrased as I try to do a live. It's easier to sit back and do nothing. If I want to stay a "small business", keep doing what I am doing, which is:

• market on again off again
• don't do lives and when you do talk like a robot
• Let clients trickle in. Don't seek them
• Be indecisive
• Doubt yourself and your abilities 
• make desicions fearing failure or making wrong decisions

I feel so much anxiety- I think that is what it is at least. So much discomfort. And I feel a lack of peace.