It has been over a month since we have been in "quarantine" or lock down. When all this started, the shelves in the grocery store have become empty. People were panicking over buying toilet paper, water, masks, and gloves. Costco even closed for a day or 2 because of people fighting.
We have been practicing "social distancing". And if you've been in a time where you have (and I am guessing you have because you are reading this), it has stopped everything. When it first started, I felt like everything was giving us a chance to reset and realize what is most important. And that is our families, and our health. It slowed everything down and or a time, it felt really nice. There have been warm days and cold days. I never could have predicted a world pandemic that affected the entire world. And it HAS! I felt peaceful. I was optimistic. Especially when I listened to Kirk Duncan about managing your emotions. He talked about how if we don't adapt, then we will go into a collapse, how the will not go back to the way it was. It will be forever changed. If we don't know how to release emotions and then stuff them down, they will stack up to the point where can't even think clearly. He said to expect new symptoms in women and children in a few months.
Here is a list of everythng that has shut down:
- Schools: School has gone online- for everyone. This mean that moms who work from home now have to school their children. It adds a stressor of how to balance time. It can also be a blessing. And for me personally, its challenge! Especially with resistent strong willed children who are finding heir voice.
- gyms: My outlet is gone. This really helped my sanity. Having some place to bring kids so i coud take care of me. And i had friends and it has affected my social outlet.
- libraries: The kids loved going there and I could get work done
- events of any kind: I had tons of events planned and many of my entrepeneur friends. This affects the business they get.
- church: There hasn't been church meetings for a whole month. Did I mention the trumpet fell off of Moroni on the Salt Lake City temple during the first earth quake? We are doing church at home. And I receognize how much of a blessing that Come follow me came a year in advance so we would have practice using it! Thank you God and thank you President Nelson for carrying out his work.
- piano lessons ( they have gone virtual which does not work for Lily)- It was a stress anyway. Its better for our relationship to not add this in anyway.
- playgrounds: my kids outlet to ust play. gone. They have been riding bikes, scooters, and playing outside. They know the virus as the monster. This has been a hard one.
- jumping places: Does not affect me personally too much, but for those that own it and work there... thy are losing money.
- exercise studios: No one can gather. This is affecting everyone.
This is affecting every business. Businesses are having to close their doors. Sales are dropping. Businesses that rely on events had severely lost income. This is affecting families globally. We were given stimulus checks from the government and that has helped. I am truly grateful. But how long can stimulus checks and unemployment payouts really help?
When it affects income, it affects families. When it affects families, it affects how parents FEEL, which affects how children FEEL. And when you have young kids or multiple kids you all of a sudden have to home school- that's not easy. When they are resisitant to do it, it makes being a loving parent so mjuch harder. For me personally, I have felt like the bad guy because I am trying to get my daughter to do her work. I become "mean", and and I concerned about her. She has become very distant with me, has been hurting her sisters, been very rude with me and her sisters, and that's not who my Lily is. I take accountability for how I have treated her. It just hurts. I wanted to cry. I did cry this week. I wanted to give up on being a mom. I was done. To have kids who thought that of me made my heart so sad and depressed. I wanted to hide in bed and disppear.
I almost feel like I am bi-polar. Now, i really don't know if I am or not. And if I am that would explain why I feel good or not good. But, every day is a new day. Depending on how I do my self- care it can end up pretty good or really bad. And the hardest struggle is school and finding time to do my work. Logically, it should be more easy. and it is not. On top of that, Creighton just bought a motor cycle for $6000 and not needs tires, breaks, and exhaust. another $1000. WHy can't we just have money SIT in the back for more than a few days? Is that too much to ask for? It makes me sick that he wants to spend more money. His car could have been paid off. I really wanted to pay off debt. And the phone calls= when do I have time to do them? I don't even know.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I am grateful that we are healthy. That we are not struggling financially currently. That the sun has been out more. That Rachel Henrickson is my friend! That River is just so darn cute. That Iris can ride a pedal bike. That the kids can play outside. That I get to sleep in a little longer. That I have friend who I can call. That River is sleeping right now. That I have had a reset.
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