Like is SO hard. I hate Creighton's negativity. He is so negative and I just can't be around him. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care about me. I don't want to know how he really feels. I am done. I want out. I don't like who he has become. I need to move on with my life. I cannot live my next ten years like this. I will not. It's too much and I am done. No more. I feel broken and shattered. I cannot have him in my life any more. Something needs to change because I am done. My heart cannot take anymore. I don't feel happy for safe around him. I can't resolve conflicts with him because he turns into a gas lighting complaining blaming judging human being. And I will not stay in a relationship like this. This is a toxic marriage. And Part of my is angry that God didn't tell me not to marry him. Someone should have told me. But I made a choice because I couldn't say no and I was scarred. So I went for it and now look where I am at. 10 years married and we can't communicate any better.
I don't know how to make this happen, but I need to make $5000 a month so that I can work full time and pay for day care. I'm scarred out of my mind of what a divorce will bring out of him. I would hope respect and dignity but I think he would be one of those bitter spouses who will do everything he can to take full custody. And use all my mistakes as an allaby.
I want a sweetheart in my life, a best friend who I can talk to and turn to no matter what. I didn't want to be the one divorced, but I can't stay anymore. Its not safe.
The way he handles stress is stuffing everything in and leaving it there. That's why his tone os always sharp- because he is emotionally stacked and he doesn't think to apologize an if he does its barely an apology.
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