Another hit

 It feels like I keep getting hit with something. Last night I was driving home from work early to make it to the ward Christmas party with my family. I really wanted to be there even if it meant working less. My heart feels very sad that I missed it. I want to create joyful holidays memories with my kids! 

On my way home, there was a sudden slow down on I15 and I rear ended the car in front of me. At 6:11 pm. Ughhhh… noo not today.. so we pull over and get it taken care of. The lady was so nice and I am grateful she was not hurt or her daughter or me. But my front bumper side fender s and front of car was crushed. Kinda how my heart feels. I spoke to insurance filled a claim and ride in the cockpit of the police car and he was so very kind. Several people offered to come and pick me up, which I am so grateful

But now we are down to 1 car, meaning no self care that I was Anticipating. No 9:30 exercise class. No power day on Thursday, and to add onto that, built of using the van to do those things. What if I total that car? 

The week I really wanted to choose me and I feel like I can’t. Because I lost myself the freedom to do this. I feel discouraged, really discouraged. And guilt comes with that.  So trying to rise up from this weekend and another hit, pun  intended. 

The spirit reassured me there was a reason this happened, but the feelings right now lead to discouragement. That is how I feel. 

And all the fear I have with moving forward in my business and speaking rising like a tide. So much heaviness at the moment . 

Dec 12th

So the story continues. I went to the tow yard on wednesay. I saw ONE side of the card for the tow truck location. And it turns on there were 5 locations on the back of the card. So I went ALL the way up to OGDEN. Just to find out the car was located 20 minutes from my house :/  That was supper irritating, wasting 2 hours of my time. But there was something great that came out of it. 

I called Kat to meet up, and I ended up doing an interview on her FB page for entrepeneurs. And I was able to help her with feeling heard, and down about getting vaccine. Feeling forced into it. Its so dumb to me that this is stopping people from traveling. She was struggling because of the circumstances with it. So that was a blessing. 

And then at the tow yard, it was SO cold, and snowing, and icy patches of snow all over the place, surrounded by endless anounts of broken cars, trailers, RV,s and boats. My fingers felt so cold it hurt, as I moved out stuff out of the other care just in case it was totaled. I also really had to go to the bathroom. Like really. My bladder as very full. And there as not bathroom, bring the tow yard. 

All of sudden, I knew my body couldn't hold on any more as pee started filling my pants... SO panicky, I put the stuff in my hand on the front seat and dropped a squat behind our totaled car. Luckily, I don't anyone could see. But I was covered in my own urine. And I went to Kohls, to find pants, and then to another store and finally back to Kohls, and bought underwear, that ended up being 2XL... for my body, they doesn't work. And I could smell the urine on my butt in the the store walking around people strategically turning away so they wouldn't see I peed my pants. 

I went back to the office where I changed, and got ready for the foot zones, and did my thing. Eric took X-rays and I got adjusted. I mean, it ended being a great night. But i sure didn't eat enough trying not to spend money. Life experiences. Someday I'll tell this story on stage in front of hundreds of people.